Because if he lets himself feel this right now, really feel it, that would let in other feelings too. And he can't--
Not here. Not right now. Preferably not ever, but he especially can't have a goddamn breakdown in the middle of court.
Edward swallows, as if that can somehow force down every emotion inside him. He notices he's shaking, slightly, and tightly grips the sleeve of his other arm to anchor himself.
Calm.
He's good at calm. He can... just get back there. Force it, if he has to.]
no subject
Because if he lets himself feel this right now, really feel it, that would let in other feelings too. And he can't--
Not here. Not right now. Preferably not ever, but he especially can't have a goddamn breakdown in the middle of court.
Edward swallows, as if that can somehow force down every emotion inside him. He notices he's shaking, slightly, and tightly grips the sleeve of his other arm to anchor himself.
Calm.
He's good at calm. He can... just get back there. Force it, if he has to.]