ALTER EGO AU

[enigmaster]

Comments

[agoodname]

[that eyebrow arches a bit higher] ...I see. Anything else that made you think it was a joke? [dryly--to hide the amusement. He hasn't had someone he's only had a brief acquaintance with be this frank with him in years. It's almost refreshing.]

[enigmaster]

[he's... a little more hesitant speaking up, but can't quite stop himself from going forwards anyway.] ...Using keys at all, maybe. Locks are pretty easy to pick. Keycards or keypads are probably a safer alternative.

[agoodname]

Can those not also be hacked in some way?

[enigmaster]

Sure, but that will take time and some actual knowledge of the equipment being used. Any idiot can get some lockpicks and get in that way. [...] R...espectfully...

[agoodname]

Respectfully. [DRY but this is so entertaining??? and intriguing. Most people would be quaking in their boots right now, and granted, Oswald does like that, but...this is nice. A breath of fresh air.] I see. [he makes another note] Any other suggestions?

[enigmaster]

That's, ah... about the extent of what I noticed... [... he super fucked this up, no way around it...]

[agoodname]

Hmm. [Oswald looks over the notebook a moment, stretching it out for a bit] Very good, then. [he looks back up at Edward] Mr. Nygma, if you're amenable, I'd like to hire you as a full-time member of my staff, with updating the entire warehouse to the proper level of security in all forms as your first project.

[enigmaster]

[He's already bracing for the rejection that's sure to follow after running his mouth, but-- ... huh?] You... would? [...wait shit uh] I mean, I would be. Amenable, that is. Yes. Very.

[agoodname]

[Oh. That's adorable. The corner of Oswald's mouth curls into a slight smirk.] I would. If you'd like to start putting together a list of what you'll need to upgrade the warehouse, we can then review it and get you the proper funding. I'll also have your contract drawn up for you to look over.

[enigmaster]

Um... yes! Of course, no problem. Easy enough, really, won't take more than a few minutes of work...

[agoodname]

Excellent. If you'd like to do that, then, I'll have Mr. Penn draw up the contract.

[enigmaster]

Of course. I will get right on that... [AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--]

[agoodname]

Good. [and Oswald leans over the desk, pressing the intercom button] Mr. Penn, draw up Mr. Nygma's contract and have it brought in, please.

[enigmaster]

[...Edward's just nervously typing on his phone. Somehow, actually getting offered the job has made him MORE anxious. Maybe just because he's expecting it to be a prank or something.]

[agoodname]

[Oswald pushes to his feet, then, moving over to the bookcase and opening up the middle cupboard...which turns out to, of course, be a small bar]

Do you drink, Mr. Nygma?

[enigmaster]

[...Of course. Because rich people.] Ah... Sometimes, yes.

[agoodname]

Would you care to indulge in a little celebratory drink with me, then? [Oswald glances over his shoulder, the corner of his mouth curled up in a smirk]

[enigmaster]

...Sure. [..."Sure", is that the best you've got?] I mean, of course.

[he's bad at

talking]

[agoodname]

[asldkfhds he's so awkward. It's almost charming. But he'll pour them both a drink, setting Edward's down on the edge of the desk so he can reach it before moving to light himself a cigarette, inhaling slowly and savoring the burn of the smoke while he taps the ash into the tray, watching Edward put together that list.] I won't spare any expense, Mr. Nygma, so whatever quality of equipment you need, don't hesitate to request it.

[enigmaster]

[He pauses his typing, at that. Is he undercutting a little...? Well, for some of these, there isn't a lot required... you can do a lot with just a little extra money, if you're clever. Which he is. In a weird way, he almost sees the comment as a challenge. It's not, he knows it, but all the same he has to struggle against the instinct to go as cheap as possible without losing quality. ...But then, that might look odd. And maybe an easier fix is better, even if it costs a little more. He overthinks it. But he manages to get a list he's satisfied with.] ...Of course. [He'll pause his typing for a moment, just to take a sip of that drink.]

[agoodname]

[Oswald settles himself at the edge of the desk, then, sipping at his own drink, just as the door slides open and Penn enters, bearing the paperwork for Edward's contract, which he hands off to Oswald with little fanfare]

Thank you, Mr. Penn. [he flips through it one last time, humming to himself thoughtfully--before reaching for a pen to make a small change]

[enigmaster]

[Edward's kind of... nervously eyeing Oswald making that change, whatever it is. And then quickly looks down at his phone.] Ah, well, um. The list should be good, I think. I mean, it's... all done.

[agoodname]

Excellent. How about I trade you, then? [he offers Edward the contract]

[enigmaster]

Oh, um. Yes, of course. [he'll just hand over his phone, so oswald can note all this down, as he doesn't really have a number to send this to ...and just take that contract to look over]

[agoodname]

[great, Oswald is going to write down everything on that list while Edward looks over the contract which is...well. Fairly generous. It won't take him too long to find out what Oswald has changed, either. There's a bit of dark blue ink that's crossed out his monthly salary, and raised it by at least 30%.]